stuck in reverse?

if only words could describe how badly i'm hurt within.

not a day goes by without me reminding myself what took place.

and i know no matter how many times i cry to you, no matter how long i talk to you or write you, you're never going to change.

for i don't mean anything to you.

i don't mean a thing to anyone really.

i gave and never stopped giving you me.

i became so worthless.

i hope i'd have the strength to do the right thing now.

because you would never get it, how it feels like to be me.

and it's not like you care. .

he said hi, after a year.

words can't describe this feeling.

it just doesn't feel real.

like something bad is about to happen.

and he's just using me really.

wait, he and everyone i know.

so,

yeah.

i'm just going to hide for now.

for i'm clueless as to what i'm to say

i'm ashamed. humiliated.

i've no idea whatsoever on how to behave now .

help me . fix me . xx

action.lust.passion.us ;]

somewhere only we know

i would want to say the familiar feelings are returning, but i would be lying. and i guess that's a good thing.

to be honest? i've temporarily given up on looking for my perfect other. i'll wait for when i am in like a different place. and in a way it would be like hitting reset again. how i can't wait.

i saw that bitch today.

my only desire is to hug and kiss him in front of her. and well run her over with my car.

but why bother i chose to be where i am today. the truth makes everything else seems like mere lies. oh well. people will get what they deserve. either that or they'd learn . i know i got what i deserved for what i did. my heart is immune to your lies. i wish my head were too.

he befriended me.

he gained my trust.

he broke through to get to me.

he made me happy.

and then my fairy tale came to an end.

he stabbed me, in my heart, over and over.

he shoved me away.

he murdered me.

and it's as if i can't get back the old, real me.

but do know that i love you always, all ways.

closest to heaven that i'd ever be-

am i a better person now than i used to be?

i'd like to think so .

but i do not know so.

sometimes, i still feel so alone. i want to be understood. to be simplified. and how it frustates me so. i don't want the whole world. just you. where are you? if only you could see through me, look at my thoughts.

i'm back to wondering whether would a simple prayer help. then i remembered.

neurotic.

loner.

dreamer.

impossible.

starry eyed.

paper-hearted.

romance enthusiast.

bring me back the happiness that you stole.

the unpretentious smile i used to wear.

i'm slipping quicker than ever.

would you come rescue me? xx

am i ever going to see your face again?

“It's so lonely when you don't even know yourself.”

i'm trying and trying to protect this little pretend world i have, where i ignore the truth. i'll hold this world of mine down for as long as i can. i know i have to let go eventually, and i would, just waiting for that second. the perfect second.

all i know is that he fills a void in me, strangely enough he helped create that void too.

this is from shaz's status,

Its not painful anymore, I'm slowly beginning to accept, that I am
meant to be like this.

Maybe someone will come and save me someday, until that day, I'll

be here, paying you back for every smile you gave, to me.

xx

if i aint got you-

i guess everything that i've been through with you has made me reckless.

(for you showered me with so much love i was truly joyful)

now i'm untethered.

i'm filled with anger and shame, that i cannot express.

truth is, everybody is going to hurt you.

you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

-bob marley

words people, words.

there are meaningful words

and there are pointless words

and then there are words that hurt-

-all about steve

xx

i love the way you call me baby

i liken you to god.

i worshiped you.

i gave myself selflessly to you,

only wanting attention & love in return .

you probably think you're amazing .

because everybody else adores you .

but i'll tell you straight to your face that

i loathe you .

even if i loved you at one point .

irony,

i get jack from either.

xx