in search .

They got they mind on the money, money on they mind.

=/

=/

how much longer? =/
this is not a happy home.
this is not a child of a happy household.
this is a girl who is sick and weary of everything that has been coming her way.

and tonight.
this is her.
for all the nights, this has been her.
x

mind your manners .

Well, you were wrong, weren't you?

 I'm a realist.

That's just another name for a quitter.

You can call me what you like.

Don't you get it? We failed.

"Failed."

There are plenty of others willing to call you a failure.

A fool. A loser. A hopeless souse!

Don't you ever say it of yourself.

You send out the wrong signal.

That is what people pick up.

Do you understand?

You care about something, you fight for it.

You hit a wall, you push through it. 

There's something you need to know about failure, Tintin.

You can never let it defeat you.

-The Adventures of Tintin

xx

Which classical character are you?

You are Dido. A strong woman, you can achieve almost anything if you put your mind to it. You inspire loyalty and confidence in others and are generous to those in need. However, you can be overly sensitive and find rejection difficult to handle.

not all alright.

was i coerced into 'growing up' by the situations i was born into?

mistakes-
when you overcome a hurdle, or so you'd think-
they'll come around knocking,
reminding you of your imperfections,
demanding to be dealt with, again.

just finished the last paper of my first year.
this rush of accomplishment overcame me.

nothing lasts forever-
and in my case it has always been this thing called 'happiness'.

haven't you taken enough from me?
have i not proven myself over and over and over again?

when will i be deemed as worthy?
these questions never left.

"i got nothing left inside of my chest"

xx

knee deep .

staring at my fingers- staring at the keyboard.

i do not know what to say.
though i know what i feel.

i can't quite tell you what's it like.
but i know what's it like to be me.

days so long, days so dreary.
this humdrum heart, no longer feels.

for what seems like ages-
perpetually doomed being i suppose.


i tell myself i deserve more.
that i will find him, happiness, clarity.
but the things we tell ourselves can be our truth.


xx

i hold nothing .

annihilated, she tries no more.


that recurring memory, pains.
that pain, consumed her.

i don't know where to go.
i do not know who to turn to. x