i just want it all .

slipping.
sinking.
on some nights.

here i am again..
that need arises..
that need to slit.
that need to break.
that need to drown.

drown all of me.
press me down.
don't let me up.

raining on the inside.
where is the guy everyone has been telling me about?
he is supposedly to come in with an umbrella.
shielding me from the rain.
the world's piss. xx

if you run .

i ain't never been with nobody like you.

and baby, baby, you ain't never gonna be with any other.

Ali(2001)

stay awake .

momma, i think i'm stronger.

for my sorrows are not getting in the way of my life.
for my tears are being held back at almost all costs.
for my insecurities are quite well masked.
for my depression the world no longer sees.
for my sake, she's taking on the world.

for she knows, she has to be okay.
for she knows, she'll go down trying. xx

sopa business.

When I first heard about sopa, i was genuinely bummed but I never gave it much thought. One of those things I didn't need to stress about, so it went to the 'check later' folder I have somewhere in my head. 

Still don't think I can do much about it.

Reminds me of Harrison Bergeron though.

Maybe someone did predict the future.

The Mayans were right perhaps, or Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

A lot of ideas floating around, only one way its gonna turn out. 

xx

somebody that i used to know .

people, plain fucking - people.

railway .

turning 21 this year.
supposedly marking the year i'm officially an "adult".

crying vehemently.
why, oh, do tell me why?

never at peace with herself.
every day trying.
pushing herself.
forcing her to become a better, her?

hearts too heavy.
its locked and buried in the bottom of the sea.
but i still find myself walking around with a very, very long chain.

nobody speaks her language.
all alone in a foreign land.
foreign to her own self too.

who is this person i see?
i share her body, which we both quite hate.
i share her thoughts, which we both drown in.
i share her tears, which we both feel the bitterness in each drop.
i share her heart, oh, that icebox she calls her heart.
i share her soul, which we both fear has been sworn to eternal pain.
who is in me?

she's broken you know.
her head shows her nothing but the past.
her body drags her around, surviving the present, in hopes of a better future.

xx

lies i heard, lies i told .

There's nothing more to life than love, is there?

and you are out there somewhere, aren't you? xx