it has come to this

"The worst way to miss someone, is to have them sitting right next to you & you know you can never have them"

so i type in vain,

for all my effort,

for all my tears,

for all my money

and

for all my time-

has led to a total zero.

i suck that badly.

i would never be good enough.

not a good enough daughter, girlfriend, best friend, granddaughter, student, and every other role i'm supposed to be playing.

i just never saw this coming.

i was actually contented at some point.

like i did everything i can think off and something would definitely result yeah? apparently not. is it that difficult to love me?

i'm so broken.

and nobody cares enough.

i just want to be rescued so badly because i know i don't have the strength to go on alone. shit's just too hard.

what did i ever do to not deserve even a slice of this thing called happiness? i am so tired. so tired of waking up everyday and going through the same bullshit.

i'm not someone special.

i'm someone whom you can just toss aside easily.

i've been degraded to that extent.

maybe i really should have just jumped off the penang bridge.

at least i wouldn't be hurting anymore.

i just want this pain to stop.

i wanna breathe again.

i wanna feel happy.

is it really too much to ask for?

perhaps i just don't deserve it. . x