cheated much?

i've never felt so cheated before.

i thought she was a friend.

she went behind my back and flirted around with him.

a friend would try to patch shit up for you.

not take advantage.

i've never did that before.

gotten mad and leave a person stranded.

it's not me.

in my head once the anger subsided for a bit all i can think about doing is saying i'm sorry.

but you know what?

i'm not going to.

i'm not going to let people take advantage of me anymore.

i'm in this alone.

this is my life.

as quoted off this movie and it goes something like

" they're sleeping soundly at night while i'm up and about thinking of everything the did to me "

which is true.

ashraf couldn't be bothered less if i am fine or not?

why should i care about him?

yes i did fall in love.

perhaps with the wrong guy.

but this is a mistake that i've made and i'm not going to just sit on my sorry butt thinking of ways to salvage it. i need to salvage myself . so yeah. i'm through. and this time i mean it for real.

i've never lost a friend in this manner, but there is a first of everything. this is life. harsh as it i've gotta get on my own feet and try not to fall apart at every bump i run into.

surprisingly enough i'm not thinking about dying. i wouldn't lie saying suicide isn't doing it's little dance in my head. but i wanna live, i wanna see how far i can go on. where am i headed to i sure as hell don't know but i'm going to try my best not to shiver at that thought anymore.

perhaps i'm learning.

perhaps i'm getting stronger.

i just wanna be. xx