don't send me to bed just yet.

i always have trouble sleeping.

my mind wanders about, 

my legs fiddle with my blankie, 

my left thumb in my mouth, 

my right subtly going to my phone.

and i just tend to look at my phone, 

wondering what should i do?

i've no one to call. 

no one to text.

i pretty much shut everyone out.

doubt every person who tried being close to me.

didn't bother sharing as much, 

etc.

and it all resulted in solitude.

pure, fucking, solitude. 

who am i to turn to? 

i wish i knew.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. 

-robert frost.

where is home?

home ; 

this word is supposed to give a person this sense of belonging, being loved, security, peace and serenity. 

where is my home?

i come back "home" everyday not feeling like a part of a family. what is so wrong with me? 

am i loveD? i think i am. 

am i being ungrateful for not loving "home" ? i think i am.

there is much more to home than bricks, cements, paint, tiles, windows, etc. 

you're supposed to want to always come back to this one place no matter what time, what day.

where do i want to go? nowhere. 

where is my home? i don't know.

maybe someday i would call someplace home. 

if only..

" if only my heart stopped beating, all my pains would dissipate away "

random.

isn't it weird how the people who you are supposed to love unconditionally gets you pissed the most? maybe it's because they have been a disappointment to you..

but that wouldn't be fair to say because they have supported you throughout the years you've been alive..no?

why is it so hard to get things done the way you want them to be? if everyone could do it wouldn't the world be a much happier place?

" i want to move forward, but i'm stuck in rewind "

it holds true to me. i try my best to look on the brighter side, live for tomorrow.

yet i seem to be stuck in this massive blackhole..gasping for air, for freedom..

help me HELP me..

kickoff

i don't even understand humans, why bother trying to comprehend god?