reminded .

things have been nothing but hectic lately .
i've not really been in the mood to bitch .
but here i am , forcing myself , for the lack of anything better to do at 7 in the morning .

daycare..united nations..tuition..smart reader..
everything was solely by my choice .
i wanted to really keep myself busy so i wouldn't really have the time to think you know ?
figured i was just bored . i just need to occupy myself , so i wouldn't sit down and reminisce .

but no . i still feel bored . i still feel the void .
my life lacks something  .
i need to do more . .  ?
what is it that i'm missing .
i was pretty convinced i don't need anymore men in my life .
i'm done chasing the ones that i lost , done looking for new ones that keeps reminding me of the one i lost .

moving on ,
you fucking CUNT .
you bring immaturity to a whole new level .
i truly do wish you grow some senses soon  .
roping my name in while you try to build your once has been world .
fuck you miserable piece of shit .
grow up and leave .
do the right thing .
i swear i feel so sorry for you .

andyeahiguessi'venotbeenproudofmyselfi'veallowedmyselftogetbacktosquareone.justlikethat.
i couldn't fight it out .
and now i'm trying to stay away .

fuckkkk . things have been BAD-GOOD-WORSE-AMAZING-shitted .

and i thought i was the one with the manic disorder . xx

my dream .

when i get to live my dream .
when i finally get to live in it .

this ...
this is my dream .
and i get to be insanely out of my mind happy for my dream .
but i'm not discounting your need to vomit  over my insanities . 

- greys anatomy 7x17 ♥ 

in my life -

i don't know what to say anymore . 
i don't know what to do anymore . 


is all well , really ? 
meaningless , i've turned into . 
tired is what i truly am . 


hoping for a better day .
another chance perhaps .
something new . 
rescue me from this , this abyss ? 


fun . 
empty fun  .
tortured . 
immensely tortured .


I want to be remembered for one single stupidity I committed, and
completely forgotten for who I really was.

it's just one of those moments where honestly i can't be bothered to pen down my feelings .

but i've also shut myself from the rest of the world . 

i've nothing left .

nothing ...

and in nothingness i bask

and in nothingness i'm nothing . 

i'm nothing to me .

i'm nothing to her , to him , to them . 

shit seems bleak  . 

i'm done whining over losing you  . 

seriously , i messed up hey big time i know hey but people make mistakes . stop acting all god like . you know you pushed me too . fuck you . and fuck off . you've my sympathy . that's all you'd get . you don't deserve my love anymore .

none of you do really .

for none of you see me for who i really am .

none of you know what kind of a psychotic person i've turned into .

The last thing you ever want to
do is try to psychoanalyze me, it’s not because every action you ever committed
was a direct reaction to the fact that a family member touched you `down there
` when you were a kid that it’s the same for everyone, some of us actually
manage to get over our daddy issues instead of going through life as a
pathetic attention whore, and you can’t really blame your father, I wouldn’t of
hugged you either you fat, ugly bitch.

this speaks to me . haha .

FUCK YOU . 

FUCK ME . 

nothing but meat for maggots .  xx

life .

fucking A .



and i say that with the rawest sarcasm you can find in merely 8 alphabets .  x