you manky bear .

I've found myself in like with a certain boy.
It's time I admit that much.
However so, he's a boy.
A boy, not a man.

He's incoherent.
He's tardy.
He never keeps his word.
He does make he happy.
How can that be?

Whatever he does, my insecurities counters them.
I can't seem to buy into anything that he says.

I think I've become that girl who distrusts everything the world offers.
Perhaps when it gets broken, I could say, I knew it'd be such, yes?

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 How can people forget the hurt that has been unto them?
They seem so at peace with being in good terms when once they weren't.
I'm supposed to be on board at all times? Even when I know it'd all fade?
Excuse me for knowing better than.
It gets lonely, it is tiring to be in this alone, remembering all the pain, the hurt, the words that hurt and the actions that followed.
At least I'm constant.

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I'm finally done with my first internship.
There's no pause for life, is there?
Time just whizzes by, people just are, then there's me.
I'd just like someone to slow time down with me.
Someone who'd tell me it's okay to not be fine at nights while holding my hands.
Someone who'd see me all stripped to the core and understanding every scar.
And then be amazed at how well I can keep it all together during the day.

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There's always a sting when the date shows the 21st.
A reminder as to what could have been.


xx

and on the 2nd day of the new year -

People have all these expectations, ideas and whatnot of THEIR work and they seem to forget that they're incapable of converting those ideas into actual substances and I'm the fool that prances around helping them, trying to make them happy whilst discounting my feelings. xx