and I fell heavy into your arms .

lies so sweet.
lies so tender.
lies that I loved.

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."

Anais Nin

Debit or credit;
the latter, I hope.

how do I reverse the chemistry?

Once again I've been ridiculed and brought to an all time low.

Dear future stranger,
how could you look at me,
bare naked,
confused,
dazed,
appalled,
surprised,
in tears,
trying to grasp,
failing to comprehend those piercing words uttered by you,
broken,
tamed,
starry-eyed,
writhing in disbelief,
hopeful,
and doing nothing then walking away,
when once you looked at me with such......love?

xx