"He broke up with you, right? After telling you he loved you ,and calling you names like baby and sweetheart?
Yeah , I know.
He lavished you in compliments only to put himself down so you would stroke his ego. Did he tell you that you were beautiful?
I bet he was always mentioned how he was lying in bed and wished you were there. He dragged " I love you" out of you, didn't he?
Yeah, don't deny it. He would talk to you last thing at night, and first thing in the morning. He constantly mentioned losing sleep over you, every night, but we both know he slept like rock.
He made you love pictures that were just sort of "blah" before.
Did you delete those pictures after he broke your heart?
Yeah , me too...
Your friends warned you ... Just remember , it's OK to cry.
And referring to him as " asshole" is perfectly expected. Because, trust me ,you ll end up talking about him just as often , if not more than before.
There will be the "one times" , and " I remember", and once you think you're over him, watch out.
Because, I promise you, next time you see him, he'll be all over some other girl. A little part of you will want to warn her, but nobody will blame you for hating her and for blaming her for your pain.
Yeah, you'll compare all other guys with him, because aside from the "man-whorish", heart-breaker thing, he was perfect. He was everything you wanted.
Listen, you will find the perfect guy for you, just like everybody says you will, and it will be soon.The most important thing though, is don't let him know he hurt you .Don't let him know he could have you back in a heartbeat.
Don't give him the satisfaction. Make him think you're completely happy.When he decides to wave at you , like nothing ever happened, wave back, sure.
But don't smile.
Make him think he meant as little to you, as you obviously meant to him."
This story sounds familiar to you?
I'm a huge believer in active decisions involving your thoughts.
My heart ached today.
Why did I have to see what I used to have?
Yes, I'm OK.
No, I'm not.
I don't know.
I'll never know the reason why.
Maybe someday I wouldn't even want to know why.
Doesn't help with how I feel now.
Used,
fatigued,
broken,
tough,
weakened,
human.
Sleeping helps, a lot.
Universe, I just cannot go through this again.
I really can't.
If you don't stop these things,
neither can I stop these tears.
That's bollocks, I can, I know I can.
On some nights, on some days.
I'm just longing for that connection I used to have.
That connection that made my world lit a wee bit more brighter.
Because that wee bit is worth fighting for.
Am I comparing myself by choice?
Or I was raised to compare myself?
I'm just headed to bed,
haunted by his face, joy.
I don't wish you ill, boy.
Neither do I hate you, girl.
I'm just trying to get my shit in order.
xx
