listen to your heart .

somehow,
by choosing not to blog,
i'd be able to purge these memories.

the lies we tell ourselves . .

am i selfish?
will i ever forgive him?
am i in the wrong? or is he?

i beat myself up with these questions .

i know he can't fix up any of his messes .
i know it, no matter how hard he tries, if he is .
but maybe he can avoid fucking up any further .
just leave me, just leave us alone, please .
even if you think you don't have to choose we can all just get along ;
that's being naive, papa .

i want you to just SHUT UP about EVERYTHING .
you've no right to say anything about anyone .
you lost my respect, everyone's really .
a long time ago .
now it only looks pathetic and it pisses me off .

can i hate you?
do i already?
if i do then why do i hate myself for not being able to be okay with you?

i don't want to be like every other person who has to forcefully keep their mouth shut with bolts and wires because you have to put up with them in the future, possibly .
i want to be like , if its not then fuck you, and then fuck off you know?

courage,
she needs .
always been lacking in that department .

even if he makes her happy .
she can't tell him , just how much exactly . xx