i laid in bed for 5 hours last night.

and i couldn't fall asleep.

which once again, gave me time to think..

i spent most of my life hating and being miserable..i can't seem to let go of my grudges..i want the whole world to know exactly what i want..i'm stubborn..i try to get everything my way tailored to my needs and my desires only. i do realise that.

but what hit me last night was, my happiness was gained through someone's misery..

i finally fell asleep and woke up 5 hours later..

woke up the wrong side of bed i suppose? i was feeling angry at how everything is.

the world seems to twirl around as it has been doing for the past billions of ages ago but the people seems to be changing. or are they?

why are things the way they are?

can't i do anything to change the world.

all i want is positive happiness in every being.

maybe it is truly too much to ask for...

i sat down at the computer once i'm up trying to make sense of my life.

got mad at my grandmother who kept asking me to do something, because in my world, it's wrong timing even if i do enjoy lending a hand in the kitchen. i'm a bitch aren't i?

she kept asking me about my college and the cost and my plans and i did answer her but not much. was still feeling groggy and pissy. 10 minutes later she hands me this wad of cash. rm5000. to cover my first semester expenses. and i'm speechless.

i cried. * alone of course *

on my education topic i can't seem to get what i want, which makes me feel like i've no sense of direction whatsoever.

and it took me awhile to realise that if only i didn't dream too much, if only i didn't expect too much, i wouldn't be a constant depressed like person.

but would that kill me?

i'm rambling. even i do not get me.

the new famous saying eyh? FML.