terence's.

i give up. the colors are slowly bleaching out of my soul x

and after crying and crying ;

2 years meant nothing to him =]

and i'm crying. i should just die already.

i'm ranting patheticly. why is it so hard. help me out here. please. please please please. i don't know what i want from you. i don't know who am i anymore. what am i doing. things just suck.. x

mia's about me.

don't ask me why,

i just can't say goodbye.

i whine.

Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart.

"everything comes with a price. you can have the man of your dreams, but only for a few years. you can have the perfect family, but it turns out to be an illusion "


and this is sort of true isn't it. i mean i used to be so jealous of one of my friends for having the "perfect" family and she still does except it has a hole. her dad had an affair. another friend's parents argue all the time except they didn't get a divorce.

they just bonded . with their family. probably closing an eye.

am i doing that? would that make me a happier person? i have no idea. don't think i would wanna live a lie though. so tired of pretending to be this happy, bubbly person. who am i really? i can sit for hours and just cry. hating the world. hating myself.

sometimes all i can ask is what have i done so wrongfully that i don't deserve a lot of happiness.

i'm gonna be a whiner and complain.
i came up with the idea of throwing a picnic, they did it behind my back.
i came up with the idea of going to perak to visit, they did it behind my back.

what are they so afraid of. i mean i should be so damn used to this as it keeps happening over and over again. which brings me to this question. what are true friends? what are true friends made of? i wish i knew. i mean i have more friends but i scare myself knowing i don't have that one person to call whenever i want.


" in the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. it's the difference between the path you walk and one you leave behind ; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are ; it's the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future. "

oh how much truth can be explained is just a few words and sentences.











i'm tired. exhausted.
no he didn't give me the only present i desire so i guess this really is goodbye. there is no more hope of getting back with him hence i should start piecing back myself. little by little, i would get there. i want to get back in there. so well that explains the number of crushes i found myself having in just 3 days. good times i guess =]


ranjie darling over and out xx

boo boo .

so well the birthday came and it passed.

was it amazing? yes and no.

was it what i expected it to be? no.

did i cry? yes.

did i enjoy myself? yes and no.

do i expect too much ?? always.

do i get disappointed? all the time.

~18 year old ranjie.

"wake up, I'm trying to show you
I wanna come clean
you mean more than you should mean
but I'm willing to be

the one that you put on a pedestal
the one that you see in your dreams
the one that you hide your true self from
the one you want to please


and I know that it's wrong to want something
so false and so fake
it's not that I want to fix you
I just want to get my way

cause you're the one that I put on a pedestal
the one who keeps coming back to me
the one that I gave my whole heart to
the one who makes me believe

I want a love that's side by side
I want a love that holds me tight
I want a love that feels like a dream
but when I wake up, he's still there with me

so put me up on a pedestal
give me everything I need
but give it to me so completely
that there will be no more wishing
no more wishing
no more wishing
no more wishing "

another one by hayley taylor , no more wishing =]

my birthday is like next weeeeeek! nervousness is building up inside me. what should i be expecting? and what should i not? ohhhhhhh the torture =/ xxxx

a trip down memory lane.

a trip down memory lane.
a trip i should have known better than to take when i'm not ready yet.

"people say some fucked up shit when they are mad"


your words. would this mean whatever you have said in the past few months are not true? because you're mad? our birthday's are coming and there is only one thing on my mind...


would he wish me happy birthday and give me the only gift i desire?

the only thing i desire, the only thing i want, the only thing i need, the only thing i crave for most in this entire world.


a chance to be with you again.

yes apparently ranjie is that pathetic that she can't live without the man she love.

all the strong independent woman out there would probably despise me for being a wimpy-ish person.

dooooooooooooooooode. i miss you. where are you? you said you would never leave and now i find myself all alone. you said move on but where am i to go? my world has known you and only you. you left me upside down, inside out and i'm stuck in this abyss of missing you. how evil else can you get? don't you miss me? i thought we were made for each other and well yeah i screwed up. badly. very very badly. and i'm sorry and i want to work things out. is that too much to ask for? xxx

perhaps this is the exact truth. just in two lines..

" i've been trying to blame you

and I can't take watching you slip away "

-waking by hayley taylor

making up seems to be so easy on the media, if only we could make up too. =/

i'm a sucker without you. grr! why am i so needy..especially for you?

~3.39am on a sunday morning

love,

ranjie x