i whine.

Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart.

"everything comes with a price. you can have the man of your dreams, but only for a few years. you can have the perfect family, but it turns out to be an illusion "


and this is sort of true isn't it. i mean i used to be so jealous of one of my friends for having the "perfect" family and she still does except it has a hole. her dad had an affair. another friend's parents argue all the time except they didn't get a divorce.

they just bonded . with their family. probably closing an eye.

am i doing that? would that make me a happier person? i have no idea. don't think i would wanna live a lie though. so tired of pretending to be this happy, bubbly person. who am i really? i can sit for hours and just cry. hating the world. hating myself.

sometimes all i can ask is what have i done so wrongfully that i don't deserve a lot of happiness.

i'm gonna be a whiner and complain.
i came up with the idea of throwing a picnic, they did it behind my back.
i came up with the idea of going to perak to visit, they did it behind my back.

what are they so afraid of. i mean i should be so damn used to this as it keeps happening over and over again. which brings me to this question. what are true friends? what are true friends made of? i wish i knew. i mean i have more friends but i scare myself knowing i don't have that one person to call whenever i want.


" in the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. it's the difference between the path you walk and one you leave behind ; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are ; it's the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future. "

oh how much truth can be explained is just a few words and sentences.











i'm tired. exhausted.
no he didn't give me the only present i desire so i guess this really is goodbye. there is no more hope of getting back with him hence i should start piecing back myself. little by little, i would get there. i want to get back in there. so well that explains the number of crushes i found myself having in just 3 days. good times i guess =]


ranjie darling over and out xx