a long waited escape =/

She's wearing a long white dress.

She's standing on a rock in the middle of the strong, rough sea.

She's beautiful, really.

She simply yearns for a gentle touch, a kind voice.

She has streaks of blood flowing from her wrists, staining her dress.

She feels the breeze, embracing.

She can taste the saltiness of the sea.

She stands alone, longing to fly with the flock of birds above her.

She tries to move but the shackles on her legs are too heavy.

She longs to scream but she doesn't have the voice.

She's overwhelmed with emotions, emotions that doesn't allow a smile on her face.

She looks above and she wonders what's it like to live in the sky.

She looks around and she only sees water that's stretched out for yards and yards long, inviting.

The dark is coming now.

She feels all alone, cold.

She needs to escape.

So she jumps, and she drowns.

Only then a smile appeared on her face, like a diamond in the dirt, for she's free.

xx

tomorrow comes with one desire .

a simple desire to be contented.

to know that i'm happy in his arms.

happy and safe.

safe from all the heartbreaks.

safe from all the drama.

safe from the evils in the world.

safe from myself.

delay my misery.

in my heart and in your arms you know we belong.

now i can't speak unless i cry.

you know i'd give anything. .

you're my world's most beautiful-

Although you are with someone else,

I want to have my say

Without invading your domain

Or scaring you away.

I respect the choice you made

And all that you decide,

But I would just like you to know

I want you by my side.

As a lake deep in a wood

Awaits a cool, fresh breeze,

I will wait, a patient eye,

While you do as you please.

overwhelmed-

this is what she wrote for me . hehe .

http://jojobriggets.blogspot.com/2010/04/she-is-eccentric-with-her-big-messy.html

and i love it.

yesterday i felt so overwhelmed.

i couldn't stand being.

so i looked at my wrist, and i saw blue lines.

then i reached for my knife, and i drew red lines.

i don't know who i am.

i don't know what i'm trying to do.

i don't know where i'm headed to.

i know me being hurts.

it hurts everyone around me.

and that hurts me more.

so what am i to do?

so i sit. and stone.

and then i cry.

and then i cut.

for the thoughts in my head are simply overwhelming =/ xx

The salt of anguish fills my bleeding veins.

My heart is pierced by it's falseness.

It seems like i'm swallowed by a mass of oblivion. x

sanctuary .

i want a place to go to.

a place to go and cry my heart out.

a place where i'd find solace.

a place where i'd feel wholesome.

a place where i won't feel lonely.

a place where i can seek strength during my weakest moments.

deeper, deeper i sink.

into the embrace of sorrow.

the wind of liars caresses me.

detest and yearning tears me apart-

i want to end my mortal life.

xx

you are my only exception =]

a friend said with every post i put up she cringes and goes like oh great she has another thing to be depressed about. which is hilariously true =]

i am in a much better shape.

i don't cry as much.

i've not cut myself in say a month?

had a crazy lot of tendencies but didn't follow through.

my friends? they're amazing.

they make me feel as if i'm on top of the world.

which is what i need right now.

they keep telling me it's okay to fall in love again.

irony isn't it?

i used to be the one giving that speech.

my guard is up.

i'm terrified at the idea of falling in love again.

love never lasts. =]

"I had sworn to myself that I'm

Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk"

they all say i'm better off without him.

and sometimes i believe them.

the wound tends to reopen every now and then.

otherwise i'm fine i guess.

i'm hopeful =]

i just don't like waking up every morning and having these flashbacks.

makes me harden my heart. convinced everyone is the same, that they'd leave.

insecurities, risks, they're always going to linger on.

oh well.

i can only live day to day the best i can yeah?

hakim made me realize that if i know i'd be happy accomplishing something, why not do it? even if my mind set is that i'm going to die anyway. thank you =]

well. exams are coming. i need to salvage my 2nd term. wish me luck.

i just want to be happy .

ranjie over and out --

A million words would not bring you back, I know because I've tried, neither would a million tears, for I know I've cried.

end of me?

would i ever get the chance of being showered with such affection?

such affection that would make smile a million dollar smile even when i'm alone?

perhaps it is me. perhaps i've put an icebox where my heart is supposed to be.

perhaps you made me such.

your ignorance, your faithlessness, your lies and your broken promises

have gotten to me. and here i am. all on my own. and i am cold to the core.

fear runs through my veins. fear is all i have.

but i shall remain as i am.

for at least i have loved and lost.

a picture that's worth a million words.

this goes out to the ones that are reaching out to me while i'm stuck at rock bottom.

change, has to come from within. true?

and yeah i know i have to change who i am.

i shouldn't be too negative, too naive, too emotional and the list goes on and on.

but you see this is who i am?

and this is who i've been?

and it is in myself whom i believe.

if i'm trying to change who i am or what i am.

what am i supposed to believe in? so yeah maybe i don't want to change as the thought scares me. this is who i am. this is what i have. this is me. i do not enjoy being a depressed person who puts a lot of others in front of her ownself but shouldn't i come to acceptance that this i who i am ? yes you love me yes you do not want to see me cutting myself and being sad but that defines me, no?

if you do say no, then who have you known all this while?

xx