sing to me .

used, prodded, chucked, defeated, murdered.

i can't let this mask fall off, but i don't have the energy to pull it all together anymore. will i ever get to run away again? the responsibilities. the people. the ties. it's all getting a bit too overwhelming. i'm suffocating again. i just want to break free. i love you. i love them. but it all hurts. and i don't want to be here, there anymore. i can't deal with anything. i just need to find my backbone again. all i'm requesting for is time. spare me some time, some space, some love and some understanding.

so i can stand before all of you, and look you all in the eyes, and say it with my head held high, that i'm fine. but would that day ever come?

what does it mean to be over a love?

am i not supposed to cry when i see him?

am i supposed to be smiling whenever he's mentioned?

am i supposed to not be wanting to see him, or call him?

am i supposed to just not think about it?

am i supposed to not feel any more hurt, or jealousy?

am i to announce that i'm not in love . . ?

for if that defines being over a love, i'm far from it aren't i?

you are not whom i thought you were.

you are far from whom i expected you to be.

filthy.

and i am dumb enough to think there was more to you?

but my heart still peels away those hardened layers every single time. xx