something random , something real .

thisisonlyformetoreadreallybecauseidon'twantwanttoforgetanythingthathappenedbuthavefunreadingifyouwish =]

weweretexting.orwellkathywastextinghimformeandthenhestartedwiththewholeilooklikeabishekthing.thenatdesaparkcity,everythingwasperfect.ciggies,bigapple,perfectweatherbythelake.decidedtogivehimacallwhichendedupinhimpickingmeupfromkathy'sbecauseiparkedmycarthereandhadnotenoughtimetogohomeallanywaysoyeahhepickedmeupwithhisfriend.anditwasn'tawkwardatall?iinstantlyhititoffwithhimandhisfriend.theymadeitsoundasifwe'realreadytogether?iwaslikeeh-________-we'rejusttextingevenidon'tknowwhat'supwithus.butallinallthedrivewasreallyfun.thenisaidbyetohisfriendrightwedroppedhimoffatfirstworld.gavehimthebigapplehewaslikeomgthankyoui'mstarvinglikehell.wedrovedown.talkedandtalkedabouteverything.smokedtalkedtalkedsighsitwasnice.macha2lahhe'sniceiguess.wassupposedtobringhimtodpcbutitwasalready11.30++andwewerestillhalfwaysoyeahh.thenparkedatkathy'shouse.andyeahwemadeout.hahawespokeaboutitearlier.sowedidanddamnhe'sgood.it'sbeenfuckingAGESsinceimadeoutwithapersonjustmakeoutnothingelseinvolved.itwasnicebutduhwedidtrytodosomeshitbutitwasnicebecauseitwaslikesweetyethot?yeahlieddowninhisarmsonhimtookindathingieitwasnothingbutsweetandit'sbeenagesiguessidon'tknow.whateveridon'tknowwhat'shappeningbetweenusorwhat.hewaslikeyou'redatingabisheknowandhekeptrepeatingthat.istressedonthe"eh?dating"hewaslikeyeahbutsomehowwehavedifferentideasofdatingperhaps?ranjiedarlingcan'twaittoseehimagain =]

lets add a ps ;
sohesaidstufflikei'mbeautiful.surprisedikepttalkingtohim.toldhimilikelikehim.hesaidihadniceskinlikeo.OhewasliterallyexaminingmyfaceandTHANKGODDijustwentforthreadingafewhoursagonofacialfacialhairall.i'magoodkisser?thatiknow ;]xx

chalomot shel acherim .

dear world ,
what's it like for you to hush ?
for you to quiet down to nothingness ?
where no one speaks .
where no one has to be heard .
it's as if a blanket of silence was placed upon us .
like someone invented a mute button that works on the entire globe .
just for a short period of time .

so people would appreciate the ability to speak .
and not simply voice out to hurt .

dear planet of mine ,
is there a rain you can get drenched in .
a special kind of rain where suddenly everyone stops talking .

i love you .
i love all of you .
i loathe some too .
but i just NEED silence .
i just need to breathe .
i need to not feel like a constant failure .
i don't need reminders .

all of your voices are blatantly echoing in my head .
breaking me down further .
as if my thoughts don't do the trick already . xx

can't be fucking bothered .

so many thoughts .
so many ideas .
frustrated .
i'm dying to burst .
i'm dying to yell .
i don't want to be everyone's pillar .
i'm hollow on the inside .
look at me .
i'm falling to pieces .
look DIRECTLY at me .
see me for how i am .
i want to fucking SCREAM .
please shut up =/
please listen to me .
listen to my silent cries .
it's so hard to bear this world and it's issues .
i'm barely breathing .
don't run to me .
run away . . .
it's so hard to do this .
i can't even be bothered to unload myself unto all of you .
will the day ever come that someone fucking RESCUES ME?

like wooohoooo . i'm problematic myself .
fuck this shit . =/ xx

i cry .

because you are amazing -
i cry .
because you are impossible -
i cry .
because i think i've fallen for you -
i cry .
because i am afraid of what's to take place next -
i cry .
because you make me laugh -
i cry .
because you care .
i cry .

and all i can do is cry . 
you're so , impeccable . xx

tsk tsk tsk .

who am i to tell them that they are in the wrong ?
that they shouldn't be blind to what they have ?
for only when you don't have it , you'll YEARN for it .

it's 2011 already .
what's so different ?
what's so special ?
it's just another day that goes by .
everybody is just so , oblivious .

and i'm done with him .
if i stay on any longer , i'll just fall harder till it'll take too long to piece me again . x