all of the lights .

" when you come crawling back, you'll see that we can't change the past. "

it's just unnatural for me to not be wanting more?
if i could simply my wants ; i'd be happy.
my wants are shapeshifters!
there,
i labelled my wants but i still do not comprehend it.


they said i'm a man-like chick?
what they meant was independent.
my face -----> =.=

it's not that i want to be all tough and shit.
i have to be.
and what's wrong with it?
is it wrong to be able to care for myself?
is it wrong to expect MORE in a MAN?
if i can do certain things..if i can keep a job while getting my degree and still having a social life without the need to party and drink and toke..can't i expect the same or MORE from a person i'm to succumb my feelings to?
i dare say of course i can expect.
aren't men more capable of things?

maturity.
am i the only out there with the improper age?
20 is damn right about time to not be fooling around,son.

sure i'd like to be coddled.
to have all my wants be presented to me on a silver platter.
but the world doesn't work that way.
of having such expectations i got my heart broken by men i never dated.
of having such expectations i got my trust and soul destroyed by those who surrounds me.

i am taking charge now.
and i'll not allow me to kowtow to someone who is sure as hell ain't worth my time, tears, money and affection.

even then,
i'll know it'd all be an illusion, a mirage.
because nothing ever lasts.

so i guess its never okay to let these walls crumble down.
which is..sad really..

but i'll be fine..
what you get is what you have to get by.
xx