who's gonna hold you down ?

sayang baby darling my honey bunny.

it has been years.
a lot has taken place-
to us, between us.

one thing i can tell for sure though.
nothing is how it was.
and i fought, still i fought.
there are days where i think about how happy i was before the world took its toll on me.
and the only time i can reflect back on to would be the times where i was yours.

whatever relationship or relationshit we had, its over, i know.
i wouldn't allow myself to give you any satisfaction.
conflicted,
heart, mind, body and soul.

i just sometimes wonder on how you're getting by.
i'd love to tell you how i'm getting on.
but in your eyes ; you'd see complacency and you'd be disgusted.
that's far, a universe away from the truth.
drowning in uncertainty.
and it is not like you care.
or even if you do, you wouldn't let your pride come crashing down.

so this is me,
screaming out.
i miss you.
i miss everything i was with you.

and let's just say ; if i were the kind to pray , you'd be in my prayers everyday.

you'd be a somebody.
know that your #1 fan has always been there, always will be.
just lurking in the shadows.
xx