From right to wrong, back to right to wrong again . .

"I tried to make you see, that you were all I need
I'd change my ways for you our lives spoke only truth
In time you'd make me see that you were there for me
I'd give my life for you. I'd give my best for you."

i'm selfish.

even when the people around me are hurting i put myself first in most situations.

i demand for attention, even when they should be the one in the spotlight i feel hurt if i don't get it.

i fear people not putting me first, because it means i don't matter as much. my presence would simply be a tittle in this world. i can just slip away and die and it wouldn't be felt as much.

maybe that fear of mine is why i am always seeking to be someone's number one, why do i love and bask in strangers' attention even when it's not healthy.

i need to get what i want. reasons as per above applies.

Well it's hard to explain but I'll try if you let me
Well it's hard to sustain
I'll cry if you let me
This doesn't change the way I feel about you or your place in my life
Can't you see I'm dying here?
A shot of broken heart that is chased with fear

I can't eat and I can't breathe
I wouldn't want it any other way

My heart burns through
My chest to the floor
Tearing me silently although abruptly
Words can't hide as I'm taking you home
And I tried to see
Tried to understand your words as I'm taking you home

i really need to find a place for me. i'm experimenting.

what do i really mean by a place for me?

a place where people would treat me how i wish they would without me telling them how to.

a place where people do treat me as equally as i treat and think of them.

you seem really happy. i'm happy for you. i just wish we wouldn't have this bridge of unspoken words between us. you changed me. looking back i was not the same person i was and i don't think i can ever go back to being her again. i don't even know this new me. who am i? now that's a question i'm going to puzzle my mind with till the day i die. =]

ranjie darling over and out xx