these are my confessions~

"...

But if u dig deep...
Past the fake smiles and phony laughs...
You will see a sad soul trapped in a cage...
Longing for release...

..."

-Carol Murray

SOMETIMES,

i wonder whether would i always feel this way.

insecure, paranoid, dejected.

SOMETIMES,

i wonder if i would ever have the strength to never look back.

SOMETIMES,

i wonder whether would i achieve all my dreams.

SOMETIMES,

i wonder why people are they way they are. Is it innate to hurt others?

SOMETIMES,

i wonder when would i wake up feeling truly happy and contented with myself and the world.

SOMETIMES,

i wonder what my purpose of surviving is. I don't think i'm cut out to make an impact on anyone.

SOMETIMES,

i wonder if i cross his mind? Does he get flashes of our times together?

SOMETIMES,

i wonder if lying is better than being honest. I've always worn my heart on my sleeves and it has not really done me any good?

SOMETIMES,

i wonder would i end up being alone in this world. people always leave.

and i've more wonders but i'm tired.

i've been throwing up everytime i eat.

at least i bother trying to eat.

i'm allergic to something apparently.

my fingers has bumps and rashes and they are itchy. grr.

i guess i'm whining to someone, something.

i miss complaining =]

why is it when i fall for a guy, i fall hard?

i annoy myself.

i'm such a dreamer.

my head is always in the air.

i just seem to be hoping for him to come back.

turn me around and plant a kiss on my lips.

his hands around me preventing me from falling as my knees would definitely give way.

and when he pulls away,

he would give me a smile and go like " hey beautiful i missed you "

make me yours.

i know i'm worth it.

i don't like thinking about tomorrow.

but i don't like living today.

am i a doll for play?

or did the words you uttered mean nothing?

are words only words or is it meant to kill me as times go by and i'm stuck in rewind?

am i nothing?

or does the world make me feel like i am nothing?

will the days pass by and go brighter?

will i find someone, someone to call my own, or was i meant to be alone?

xx