with this it'd be 100 empty ramblings.

i feel so lethargic.

all i seem to be doing is sleeping.

barely eating.

i'm back to trembling thinking about tomorrow.

i'm miserable with you. i'm miserable without you as well.

did me falling in love with you scared you away?

the things i did.

the things i would've done.

it all seems so silly now.

i really wish i could take it all back.

i really can't bear facing you anymore.

i fear the mere sight of you would result in me crying in another litre of tears.

am i mad at him?

perhaps.

but mostly i'm just frustrated that i don't understand why is it so hard for a person to digest the fact that there are actually people who for some weird fucked up reasons wants to be with them.

you did let me down.

and i am falling apart.

there is never a proper time to bid goodbye is there?

i need to stop popping pills.

is there a pill to block thoughts though?

i can't handle mine anymore.

the world keeps spinning.

it's beings are moving on.

everyone seems so happy.

and then there's me.

memories keeps flooding my head.

which leads to tears flooding my eyes.

what happened?

i'm tired. so so tired.

i sleep not wanting to wake up.

how did i let a person affect me so much?

i must have been so stupid thinking that i was someone for him.

a friend said i should weep my heart out.

keeping it in is not an option.

so this is me.

i'm on my knees in what feels like six feet under.

don't judge me.

i know i'd make it out of here sometime.

i just want to wallow in self-pity for awhile, just awhile longer.

i tried not thinking about it by keeping myself constantly busy but really i could not give anything a 100%.

i still get constant pangs of my first love.

and in less than a year i'm supposed to deal with losing my second as well?

may you be blessed with every step you take yeah?

everything we had and shared simply seem like lies now.

i hate myself for even letting a person i end up not knowing mess me up even more.

i need a cold shower. x