Hatred burns within my veins towards your wretched kind

" Humanity what have you ever done for me?
Denounced and cursed since my birth for I am not like thee

my mom's mad at me again.

and everything just came back flooding through my head you know,

like an arrangement of dominoes. push one down and everything falls apart piece by piece.

she said she's just sad that we're her kids. mainly me duh i'm always a disappointment.

never once i ever felt like i somehow managed to measure up.

i feel so broken and empty and shallow-

and i had a nice day.

well to be honest i did laugh and all..

but i always feel so ugly and dejected and unwanted.

i laugh with a small voice in the back of my head going like you know this is not true.

oh please would someone just shut that voice out?

that voice,

that voice i hear,

doesn't allow me to differ from right and wrong.

what's real and what's not?

like i'm just an extra baggage that people need for a certain usage?

or people really do like me?

their world wouldn't be affected even by a bit if i just somehow disappeared off the face of this planet?

or would they truly miss me?

it's like i allow myself to get attached to people.

and by doing so i allow myself to get hurt by their actions.

i try so hard.

i really just try to do what i can.

to get people to like me? or truly like me? i don't know.

like i got a valentine's gift for him.

sorta.

but it's not like he's going to be bothered?

i mean gosh ranjie face facts.

and so i reach out.

i scream so loudly in my head.

trying to drown out that voice i hear.

but i can't.

and so i grabbed a knife.

" In an orgasmic rush of pain I mark my coming in crimson strays

to think that i was so happy earlier.

all i had to do was to call up a person who thinks i'm clingy and return to this shit hole. xx