i'm not okay

a friend told me i look better now. i look happier. ohh if only that were true.

i pull myself together around people. i try extra hard to be happy and perky-ish.

i could be okie one minute and a total wreck by the next minute.

so the answer i'm dying to tell people when they ask me " how are you " is

no. i'm not okay. i'm trying to be okie. but i seem to be failing miserably. i just want to be held in someone's protective arms and i want to cry my heart out. because i'm really falling apart. and i don't even know why. i just feel so sad all the time.

like somehow everybody has moved on and i'm stuck living in the past with nowhere to move forward to.

so yeah. i'm not okie now. i don't know when i'd be okie. but i know that i'm trying to be okie. x