Wednesday, January 13, 2010

early thursday morning-

finally got some good sleep but i was up and about at 5 in the morning. it's such a blissful morning? yet i feel like crying.

"nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet"

i screwed physics. i'm nothing but a disappointment to myself and everyone around me.

sighs.


i cut myself again. the pain doesn't seem to last anymore, am i getting immuned? or is it just not as deep as it's supposed to be.

i feel like i've been waiting around for a twist to take place. something that would give me hope. something that would make me feel less in pain with every breath i take.

my life isn't like a poem, a series, a song, or a movie is it?

justice wouldn't be served. and people don't give a shit.

his affection is like the moon, inconsistent.

people hurt me. =/
to take up a challenge of no more alcohol is going to be hard.
because you need a support system. to run to when you don't think you can go through with a certain something.
alcohol was mine.






to give up on the only thing that has never failed me-
it's going to be hard yeah?
why do i care what people say about me being an alcoholic?
it's not like they are there to take care of me.

i feel like i'm self destructing again. giving up on things that make me, me.

thinking about tomorrow leaves me shaking.
i don't know how long more can i put on a happy mask.
i'm EXHAUSTED to the core of my bones.
would somebody rescue me already?

maybe the next time i cross the road a car would send me where i've been wanting to go so badly.
maybe i'd just be stabbed to death.
or shot.
or whatever.

i just know i don't wanna be here. yet i have to.
my tears dry on their own-

i'm tired of acting happy.
i actually want to be happy.


xx

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