wow. i had an awesome celebration.
i was lying down outside of my room listening to laveen and kelly getting it on. and i couldn't stop thinking about him. and when laveen came out. he looked at me instantly and went like what's wrong.
i have a love hate thing with how he can see through me.
so it was fun. i managed to go to heritage and usher in 2010 with just rm3.
i got my new years kiss. i kissed kelly well like 20 mins before the clock struck twelve. i love countdowns but i missed the 2010 one. but i still kissed him =] outside the club. i had to ask >.>
it's just hard to let go. you know.
i didn't dance with him at all. i told myself this is it. it's either you're together or you're not. i just needed a person to kiss and well i still had feelings for him i'd rather it be him than some random stranger. i'm tired of kissing strangers. i want the inner weird self of me feel so in sync with the kiss.
it was very eventful. holding his hands although we're not together. his friends drilling us in the car. but he said no we're not. and i said we're friends just for tonight. and i didn't hold his hands again. he wrecked the car. he was sorta drunk.
so i drove. and somewhere along the way he offed the radio and silence blanket-ed us for a few minutes. and he started with look i really care about you. and i said i've heard that before. and he took my hands and said some stuff. and well it was a blur after that. but i did tell him i wanna get back with him. and i think i made the right decision.
just a few nights ago it was about the same scenario and he told me over and over he doesn't want me as his gf. but then he did. why did i believe him? just cause i wanted to.
for once, someone was truly honest with me. she asked me why we broke up. and shit. and she didn't bitch about him at all. it was nice for a change. someone who just cared, for him, for me, for us.
but at this point i'm not sure whether are we totally back on or not? after a shower which was the only time i had to myself i let my mind wander and replayed everything that night. it was nice. i felt at ease. and he came back. and he lied down on my bed. and i followed. and i got to look into his eyes again. it felt so right. all the wrongs in the past could've been corrected just with a stare into me, into him, and sealed with a kiss. which led on to something so yeahh <3
new years.
i want you so badly it's my only wish.
i didn't make any resolutions. it didn't even strike me to think of anything. couldn't give a fuck i never follow anything through. i get bored so easily it annoys me =]
ohh btw, 2 more people acknowledges this blog.
people i enjoy talking to.
people who i would want them to get to know my head better. =]
it's the 2nd of january of a new year.
exams in 9 days well 8 cuz it's like night.
~* ranjie darling is so fucking screwed.
but she'd make it. she hopes. she needs xxx
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